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| Hello subscribers, occasional visitors, avid readers, possible stalkers. Today marks the day that The Tugboat Complex will be shutting it's blogging doors. But don't get too worried, were not gone forever. Oh no, after 3 years of wasting my time with this blog, I can't just stop now. I've decided to make the move to www.tumblr.com. The platform is much easier to use, no advertisements, and you can reblog our junk! Anyway, I hope you guys will make the switch with me. You don't need a tumblr to access the new blog, but I certainly encourage you to make the switch too. You won't regret it! Either way, I hope you guys remain fans. The Tugboat Complex would be nowhere without you guys.
Fairwell xanga, hello tumblr!
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Whisper softly, softly in my hear.
You say all the things I want to hear.
i believe you and i are like paper mache like sheets in the sky.
always so fragile and bound to be broken.
always so fragile and never unspoken.
As I write this letter, send my love to you,
remember that I’ll always be in love with you.
They say a mind is a terrible thing to waste
What good is mine if I'm locked up in a cage?
I was hoping you could help me out of here
So I could finally disappear.
Oh the brilliant mistakes that you seem to make always push me away.
And now you're steppin' on my feet cause you were never on my side.
This is what I know about love, that it is tested every day, and what is not renewed is lost. One either chooses to care more or to care less. Once the choice is to care less, then there is no stopping the momentum of goodbye.
Let's build a rocket to the moon. Just you and I.
We could start a whole new world up there
Leave our past behind.
When the conversation dies,
I will rip my tongue out just to show how much I don't want you.
And all the while i’ll know we’re fucked,
and not getting unfucked soon.
May I print a kiss on your lips?’ I said,
And she nodded her full permission:
So we went to press and I rather guess
We printed a full edition
The thing is, while we are all full of insecurities, mine might just be a little different. I just need to know that you love me as much as I love you, and that if you had to choose, you’d pick me over any other girl in the world.
There is a big difference in what we long for,
what we settle for, and what we are meant for.
Most people talk when they have nothing to say. I’m not talking because I have too much to say. None of which I’d want you to hear.
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There’s no shame in being crazy depending on how you take these words that paraphrasing this relationship we’re staging. And it’s a beautiful mess, yes it is. It’s like we are picking up trash in dresses.
You are strong but you’re needy, humble but you’re greedy. Based on your body language and your shoddy cursive I’ve been reading, you’re style is quite selective though your mind is rather reckless.
"How do you know?" she said & the answers fell like feathers or the first snowflakes of October, light & without words. "You just know", I said.
Silence is not golden. It's fucking horrible.
Besides, I need to feel desirable, not like a piece of furniture, something you can sit on. I need to feel like somebody wants me, even if he wants me for all the wrong reasons. Mostly, I just need to feel.
The average person tells 4 lies a day, or 1460 a year a total of 88,000 by the age of 60. And the most common lie is: I'm Fine.
Is that it? Are you the only person in the world that’s been let down? The only one that’s been hurt, abandoned? What gives you the right to act like you are?
I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke.
To get a better idea try this: focus on these words, and whatever you do don’t let your eyes wander past the perimeter of this page. Now imagine just beyond your peripheral vision, maybe behind you, maybe to the side of you, maybe even in front of you, but right where you can’t see it, something is quietly closing in on you, so quiet in fact you can only hear it as silence. Find those pockets without sound. That’s where it is. Right at this moment. But don’t look. Keep your eyes here. Now take a deep breath. Go ahead, take an even deeper one. Only this time as you exhale try to imagine how fast it will happen, how hard it’s gonna hit you, how many times it will stab your jugular with its teeth or are they nails?, don’t worry, that particular detail doesn’t matter, because before you have time to process that you should be moving, you should be running, you should at the very least be flinging up your arms-you sure as hell should be getting rid of this book-you won’t have time to even scream.
Don’t look.
I didn’t.
Of course I looked.
I looked so fucking fast I should of ended up wearing one of those neck braces for whiplash.
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I spend 23 hours a day wondering whether we’re wrong for each other, wondering whether we’ve got the energy that we need to get through everything that we seem to get into, whether the baggage we both bring would sink a small ship. But in the 24th hour, I realize I’ve been thinking about you for 23 hours. There’s something about you I can’t stay away from. Something about you, that makes me want to love you.
You fell in love with someone because of the tilt of his smile, or because he could make you laugh, or in this case, because he made you believe you were the only one who could save him.
Your absence has gone through me
like a thread through a needle,
everything I do is stitched with it’s color.
Did I really love, or was I addicted to the pain, the exquisite pain, of wanting someone so unattainable.
And just like that I untied myself, and I was free. But there was nothing exquisite about it.
I know what it does to you, I know. Maybe that’s why we hold on as hard as we do. We just can’t believe that such a miracle can happen to us twice. But it can, someday you’ll find it again.
You don’t need to know that up until I met him, my life’s goal was self-preservation. And that when I met him, self-preservation was genuinely lonely.
It’s over, look out below
I’m wasted, I still taste it
Yeah it’s so hard to let go.
I start to think there really is no cure for depression: that happiness is an ongoing battle and I wonder if it isn’t one I have to fight for as long as I live. I wonder if it’s worth it.
And I’m sorry. If we could just get together and find some time to talk. Lets say all the things we never said.
I did not know how I could reach him, where I could overtake him and go on hand in hand with him once more. It is such a secret place, the land of tears.
They want me.
I want you.
And you want someone else.
But none of us want to turn around.
When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body. No… don’t blush. I am telling you some truths. For that is just being in love; which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away.
I’m still here because I’ve got nothing else to do.
You’re an asshole, but I’m getting used to you.
The truly painful goodbyes are the ones that are never said, and never explained.
‘What caused you this pain in your heart?’, she asked. “My eyes. I had them closed for so long and when I finally opened them, I wasn’t ready for what they saw.”, he replied.
If someone breaks your heart, just punch them in the face. Oh sure, it seems obvious now, but you’d be amazed at how many people don’t think of it when it’s relevant. Seriously, just punch them in the face and go get some ice cream.
Magic wishes come from money, Prince Charming’s a shallow idiot with a bad haircut and overpriced clothes. And true love? Ha, true love is one-sided, Ace. You love her, she loves someone else. She loves you, you love someone else. Never quite works out does it? So you end up with some actor pretending to be your true love. Real considerate of someone to let you know reality was like that before being thrown into it. ‘If you wish, it’ll happen.’ Well, wish in one hand and crap in the other and see which one fills up faster. Welcome to reality. Enjoy your stay.
Missing someone isn’t about how long it has been since you have seen them or the amount of time since you’ve talked. It’s about that very moment when you’re doing something and you wish that they were right there with you.
excuse me while I fall apart,
don’t flatter yourself sweetheart
let me take the wheel, and crash this car
do you have to make this so hard?
you’re so good at pretending everything is alright
You’re not my favorite mistake.
You’re just a simple regret.
I thought I knew who you were,
but watch how fast and watch how well I forget.
Cancel the thing that I said I’d do,
I don’t feel comfortable talking to you.
At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing, where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, is usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we’ve chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt them, the people that are still with you at the end of the day - those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need.
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Imagine the worst things you think about yourself. Now, how would you feel if the one person that you trusted the most in the world not only thinks them too, but actually uses them as reasons not to be with you?
I ask myself why, and in that same breath, as I watch you, I get my answer. It’s everything about you; its that teasing smile, that warm scent. Its the curve of your arms, the tousle of your hair, the ring of your voice. Its just everything about you. But more than that, its everything about me. Its everything about the way you make me laugh, cry, smile and hurt. Its everything about the way you make me feel. And that’s everything that I cannot, and would not, want to let go off.
Everyone is lying to you. It’s not going to be okay. It’s going to be terrible. How naive are you? What are you, a Disney princess? Even worse, you’re a Disney animal. You’ve got big eyes and you talk even though you shouldn’t.
Close my eyes and count to ten.
I wish that you were here again.
What am I supposed to say when I’m all choked up and you’re okay?
Words don't contain subtlety. Tact eludes speech, even in whispers.
Pieces of my broken thoughts mumble through my teeth.
You'll learn I can't keep myself straight.
I'm trying, I need more time. You've gone, I'm just sitting here.
Don't say anything at all. I've got a thousand words for not missing you.
Don't worry, I'm not going to call. I tell myself i'll forget you. I know that's not true.
So this is my apology to you. I hope you know I love you.
Lets put back together the world we built between us.
I keep playing your part
But it's not my scene.
Want this plot to twist,
I've had enough mystery.
Some lies last a lifetime.
They keep our diaries hidden
They don't let the whispers slip
Between the cracks of the bathroom stalls
Or be written on the bathroom walls.
"What made you so scared?"
Maybe you're mistaken for someone who cares.
I’m reading your note over again
There’s not a word that I comprehend,
Except when you signed it
“I will love you always and forever.”
Why is it that all of the things that should hold us together - love, sex, creativity, talent, dreams - those are the very elements that drive us apart? And the things that you would think would separate us - hate, fear, meanness - those are the very things that bind us together and keep us from growing, keep us from changing
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